Bringing a little kink into the bedroom may seem daunting, but it doesn't need to! Tying someone up for dominant and submission play can add a new level of excitement to the bedroom.
Kink is enticing because it brings consensual experimentation with power dynamics to your sexual encounter. In most scenarios, there is a dominant partner who exerts sexual control over their consensual submissive partner. Allowing one's partner to take control adds a fun dimension of excitement and anticipation.
But first, in order to have a good time, the environment needs to be safe.
The 3 Principles of Domination and Submission:
Safe means the risk of any activities should be understood by all participant and either removed or reduced. This can mean having safety scissors nearby, in case you need to release a partner from bondage. Never leave a partner restrained alone and always be attentive to your partner's boundaries.
Whenever you approach these types of activities, they need to be done within a sensible and realistic frame of mind. There is a difference between fantasy and reality. Avoid trying to get so swept up in the fantasy that you loose your current place and time. Be in the moment, but stay anchored to reality.
Consensual means that all participants have freely consented to the agreed activity and were in a state of mind to do so. Drugs and alcohol can impair one's ability to enthusiastically consent to any sexual activity. What's also important to know that the situation remains consensual throughout. Both partners should feel comfortable stopping or re-negotiating their activities at any time.
Most people know what the phrase "safe word" means - a word that is the signal to stop. ALWAYS pick a safe work (or signal, if your partner will be gagged and can't speak) before starting a session. Respect the safe word and stop immediately. The submissive partner is putting a lot of trust in you to give them a good time. You need to be aware if you make them uncomfortable or hurt them.
Another good tool to use to see how you partner is enjoying the activities is traffic signal terms. "Red" means stop (or the use of the safe word), "Yellow" means slow down, and "Green" means go, go, go! This is just another way to ensure all participating parties are enjoying the fantasy.
When engaging in kink activities, the dominant partner is responsible for the health, safety, and pleasure of their partner. While this is immeasurable fun, it is a responsibility.
Submissive partners need to know that they do not have to proceed if your partner gives any indication that they don't take their responsibility seriously. Ensure your partner takes it seriously by having an in depth conversation. This will include expectations, boundaries and a safe word or signals. Hollywood tends to skip over the importance of having this discussion. But if you want you and your partner to enjoy the fantasy, a conversation is the first step.
Ready for more? Check out parts 2 & 2 of our Kink 101 series
Part 2 - Beginners Tools For Play
Part 3 - Crafting The Fantasy