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Lube: The Pantry Staple Pretty Much Everyone Needs

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  • By Misty Blue
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Lube: The Pantry Staple Pretty Much Everyone Needs

Even if you rarely need it, even if you only bring it out on certain occasions, not having lube on hand can seriously derail a spectacular experience.

Lube: The Pantry Staple Pretty Much Everyone Needs

 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a woman say breezily that she doesn’t need or use lube. Some version of, “Oh, I’m a get-wet-stay wet kind of woman,” as if it’s some kind of accomplishment.

 

Okay, fine, I may have once been that woman—but I’ve learned some things since then. One of which is cooking.

 

Stay with me here.

 

Take Ina Garten’s risotto, for example—a recipe so perfect, it pretty much guarantees you’ll get good and properly laid:

 

Before (if your person knows what’s coming)

 

During (because it takes a very long, very slow, mouthwatering while)

 

And after (because DEAR GOD IT’S SO FUCKING DECADENT)

 

So, you’ve found The Recipe. The one that’s going to conjure the best, most glorious Tuesday you’ve seen in a while. You’re standing at the stove, wearing an apron and not much else. Your date is pressing against you from behind, watching. Mesmerized by the sizzle of butter, the scent of sautéed shallots and pancetta.

 

You heat the chicken stock. Steam rises, but you don’t turn on the fan. You like the heat and moisture on your skin, and don’t want to drown out Otis Redding’s voice, calling from the bedroom. The shallots turn translucent. The pancetta browns. Your date runs a finger down the length of your neck and slowly licks the salt. Your stomach flips, but you resist the distraction.

 

Add the rice, coating the grains with butter. Add the wine and stir, while your date spreads your legs and kneels between them, too hungry to wait. Add two ladles of stock and reach for the saffron. Your date’s tongue takes a long, meandering journey up your inner thigh. You shiver and reach deeper into the cabinet. But the saffron’s not there.

 

Your date pulls you closer, deeper—but now you are distracted. It’s not in the drawer, not on the counter, not in the spice rack, not in the grocery bag. The stock’s absorbing, the risotto might burn. Your date’s mouth finds the exact right spot, teasing. Promising. But the saffron. The recipe doesn’t work without it, you’ve invested so much already, and you’re primed for this meal. You’ve been fantasizing about it all day, and it doesn’t work without the %@#!! saffron. There’s no way you’re going to stop and go to the store right now, the recipe can’t wait, and…

 

That’s lube.

 

Even if you rarely need it, even if you only bring it out on certain occasions, not having it on hand can seriously derail a spectacular experience. Sure, you could eat the risotto without the saffron (if you know what I mean). But no one loves a sad compromise.

 

Say you want to play in the shower.

 

Say you want hard, sweaty, deep penetration on and off for hours.

 

Say you’re using a condom.

 

Say you’re into anal.

 

Say you want to find out if you’re into anal.

 

Say your partner shows up with that butt plug you once mentioned wanting to try.

 

Say you want to experience a slightly different—or tingly, or cooling, or warming—sensation.

 

Say your menstrual cycle affects your natural lube.

 

Say your medication affects your natural lube.

 

Say menopause affects your natural lube.

 

Say you get anxious about not getting wet enough and that anxiety keeps you from getting wet enough.

 

Say you’re curious about CBD lube.

 

Say you’re curious about edible lube.

 

Say you want to mix up your foreplay.

 

Say you want to mix up your masturbation.

 

There’s no shame in it—just get some lube. Stock your pantry. Eat the hell out of that risotto.

 

 

 

Quick & Dirty Guide to Personal Lubricants

 

Choose water-based lube if you’re using condoms or silicone toys.

Choose oil or silicone-based lube if you want long-lasting slipperiness and don’t mind that they can stain your clothes or sheets.

Check the ingredients if you have sensitive skin, allergies, celiac disease, or are prone to infections.

Experiment beyond your grocery store’s KY lube. Ever tried CBD lube? Edible lube? Warming lube? Tingling lube? Clitoral stimulation gel? Could be fun...

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